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brokenweaponThe dinner had gone well - it was the first Thanksgiving he could remember. People were filtering out of the common room, sleepy and full, a state which Bourne both enjoyed and was wary of (because being sleepy meant you weren't on your game, and not being on your game meant you were dead).
Pretty soon, it was only him and Claire left.
And yet he still wasn't good at talking. Not even to her.
Pretty soon, it was only him and Claire left.
And yet he still wasn't good at talking. Not even to her.
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Date: 2010-12-03 04:52 am (UTC)"So. It's after dinner..." She let the sentence hang in the air, placing one foot before the other to take one step closer in his direction.
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Date: 2010-12-03 06:25 am (UTC)"Oh. Right," he said.
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Date: 2010-12-03 06:43 pm (UTC)Claire waved one hand around the room and asked, "We don't have to talk here if you'd feel safer or more comfortable in one of our rooms?"
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Date: 2010-12-05 05:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-05 06:01 am (UTC)She allowed him to lead the way, hands carefully clasped before her. She was anxious to hear more about him, hardly believing the length of their friendship had offered so little on their past lives. Mostly his, as Claire was much more open about reveling things since her time here had changed her way of seeing and thinking.
Before they reached his room, she stated, "You know, I'm not expecting everything to gush out. Whatever you want me to know. I'm here to help."
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Date: 2010-12-05 06:08 am (UTC)The fact that they hadn't really talked about this before wasn't because he didn't trust her, honestly. He just didn't like talking about himself. It wasn't something he did. For the longest time, he'd been a ghost, invisible, a nonentity. 'I send you because you don't exist.'
He walked into the room. After all this time he was mostly able to suppress the pang of longing he felt whenever he walked in - to be actually back in Goa before everything went wrong, instead of this facsimile of it. He probably should change it; but he didn't really want to, and besides, he didn't know how.
I think I'm right by saying that was the last time she'd been here, but IDK, sorry.
Date: 2010-12-05 06:15 am (UTC)I think that's right. It probably would have been too awkward to come back after that anyway. xD
Date: 2010-12-05 06:43 am (UTC)"You should probably sit down," he said. "This'll take a while."
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Date: 2010-12-06 03:17 am (UTC)Nodding once, Claire took the foot of his bed, pulling up her legs under her in Indian style. "I can stay all night."
It felt like it needed to be said?
Hello Jason, please have another of my bad habits foisted upon you.
Date: 2010-12-07 11:13 pm (UTC)It took him a moment to run back over their prior conversation in his head. He'd been mulling over how to say these things for a while now, and he still wasn't sure if he was going to be saying them right. Bourne stayed on his feet; he got the feeling he was going to be doing a lot of pacing during this conversation.
"So she was driving, and she was shot," he began, with no preamble. He was kind of to the point like that. "The car went out of control and off of a bridge. I tried to save her in the river, tried to get her out of the car. But she wasn't breathing, and...I knew she was dead."
He tried to make that statement as level as possible, but even now, after almost a year away from it, it was hard.
<3333
Date: 2010-12-08 12:15 am (UTC)"Driving away from the assassins, right?"
Because she was trying to understand locate Jason's guilt. To sort out why he felt himself responsible and then find ways to erase that guilt. Or at least some of it.
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Date: 2010-12-08 02:26 am (UTC)There was a short pause. "So I escaped, went back to where we were living. This house." Bourne indicated the room around them with a sweep of his arm. "I cleaned the whole thing out. Our money, our hidden passports, all of it. I burned hers. I had to. Every picture."
He glanced at the slightly careworn one in the frame. "Except for that one."
The asset was silent for a moment before the next few words came tumbling out of his mouth, almost in a mad rush to get out. "I shouldn't have switched places with her in the car, I should have kept on driving, maybe if I'd been driving his aim would have been off, and--"
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Date: 2010-12-08 02:53 am (UTC)"Jason Bourne, you had no way of knowing, he could have hit her or you from either side, that's what he was trained to do," she said firmly, but softly.
His life is like the most tragic thing since Dickens put pen to paper.
Date: 2010-12-08 02:59 am (UTC)"I know, I tell myself that, every day," he said thickly. "But I keep thinking I could have kept it from happening. There are a million things I should have done differently to stop it. And every day, every goddamn day since I go over them in my head so I don't make the same mistakes again."
ROTF
Date: 2010-12-08 04:19 am (UTC)Pause.
"I sure as hell wouldn't."
He's emotionally stunted. :|
Date: 2010-12-08 04:29 am (UTC)Was that what had happened? Had the woman he'd so loved for her spirit and fire become shackles around his feet, preventing him from moving forward with his life? He'd known so little but anger and hate for so long, and suppressed enjoying other people's company for fear that he'd get them killed too if he got too close.
God. If Marie were here, she'd slap him silly.
The thought was almost funny.
He tries.
Date: 2010-12-08 04:45 am (UTC)Happy to have made some sort of impact, to have reached him, she allowed herself a tiny smile, rubbing his biceps. "Told you we could do this."
And we're all so proud of him for it.
Date: 2010-12-08 04:58 am (UTC)That brought some small measure of comfort to him at least. Now if only he could stop making friends with inmates who could disappear at a moment's notice...but what was life without some risk?
He tried to smile back at her, but it looked a little strained. "We're getting there," he said. And indeed, he did feel somewhat better. Not entirely, but his angry, hurt exterior was beginning to chip away, little by little.
<3
Date: 2010-12-08 05:28 am (UTC)Though trying to keep the mood as light as it would be, Claire still spoke with sincerity. She wasn't at all belittling his life or this moment. But she didn't want him to bottle up again.
<3
Date: 2010-12-08 06:29 am (UTC)After a few seconds, he continued. "I'd warned them to leave us alone, so I went to Naples and used my own passport - the one they'd been looking for - to let them know I was coming for them. I'm on the No-Fly List, so of course they pulled me out of line and tried to take me into custody.
"I knocked the agent in charge unconscious, cloned his phone, and stole his car. Then I went to Germany."
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Date: 2010-12-08 06:39 am (UTC)Have the shit he told her left her in straight up awe and wonder.
Jason you are even making JOKING emo. STOP IT.
Date: 2010-12-08 06:52 am (UTC)Bourne shook his head at her praise. "I wish I wasn't talented. Not like this. It might sound neat, but...it came at too high a price." Brainwashing was too high a price. Losing himself was too high a price. And although he'd said otherwise, bluffing to Hirsch in the training room, he was not yet David Webb again. Maybe that was why he was here. He was a little broken too.
"Anyway, I went to Germany because I'd been having flashes of memory in my sleep before...before she died. All I could get from it was that my first mission had been in Berlin, and I had a contact in Munich, a fellow asset. He told me our program was over, that we were the last two left alive."
teehehee
Date: 2010-12-08 07:16 am (UTC)"Did he remember more than you?"
The last two. It had to have scary, in the very least. Maybe even comforting knowing you had at least someone like you out there?
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Date: 2010-12-08 07:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-09 04:20 am (UTC)Like she said. Talented. She relied on her ability and Jason could probably kill her with every object in this room, were it possible.
They could do a macabre kill-the-girl-who-doesn't-die-with-random-shit show.
Date: 2010-12-12 02:50 am (UTC)"He'd given up the assignment of the person I thought was commanding the program, and I was determined to get to her and really pass my message on - that they were to leave me alone. She was in Berlin - and that was where I'd been heading in the first place, because of some new things I was remembering about my first mission for them."
We're doing this in a flood or port. xD
Date: 2010-12-12 06:45 am (UTC)"Self-defense got it."
In some way, it really was.
Next carnival port/flood? xD IT'S THE AMAZING UNDEAD GIRL! Also, INFODUMP
Date: 2010-12-19 01:57 am (UTC)"Then they knew I wasn't messing around."
:3 !
Date: 2010-12-19 06:04 am (UTC)Instead, she softly asked, "How did you know where to look? I mean, in the building, you found the exact room."
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Date: 2010-12-19 06:09 am (UTC)If he'd been overly concerned with societal norms he would have realized that it was stalkerish behavior. But he'd been on a mission, dammit.
no subject
Date: 2010-12-19 06:34 am (UTC)"So, then what happened?"
Exposition Theatre~
Date: 2010-12-21 11:00 pm (UTC)"Of course, she was talking about something else - a deal she'd been overseeing that week that had gone sour, and I was framed for it. But I didn't know that.
"I knew Nicky would be under surveillance, so I helped her evade it. She told me I'd never done a mission in Berlin. I was so angry - she thought I was going to shoot her. I was almost angry enough to. But I left. She didn't know where I'd gone."
Sorry my tags are short, but it's more about Jason. Just don't want you to think I'm uninterested.
Date: 2010-12-22 03:46 am (UTC)No worries! Sorry I take so long. xD
Date: 2011-01-04 05:38 am (UTC)"I checked into the hotel with one of the passports they'd had Interpol flag. Within five minutes, I was surrounded. So I escaped. I had to run through half of Berlin, but I escaped. And I knew right where I was going. I had to find the man who had started it all. My old boss. He'd had Marie killed to save his own skin from being investigated for a shady oil deal. He told me..." His hands started to shake. "He told me I was the reason she was dead."
Bourne took a deep breath, running his hands up over his face and through his short hair. That lingering bit of doubt Abbott had seeded in him was still there - and it was part of why he ran so hard and trained so angrily. Maybe if he fought hard enough he could make it not true.
<3 S'all good, honeybun.
Date: 2011-01-04 05:56 am (UTC)She reached for a hand after it went through his hair, firmly reminding him of her support and their commitment to work through this. "But it's not true and you have to know this. You have to accept he's a piece of shit and you are not, at.all., responsible for Marie's death. Remember, Jason."
Claire squeezed his hand for added measure, trying to catch his gaze. It wasn't fair, and she felt so horribly for him.
He can never heal. Never. :|
Date: 2011-01-04 06:18 am (UTC)"Was," he said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "He was a piece of shit. He thought I had a gun pointed at him when I confronted him in his hotel room; it was really a tape recorder. He unwittingly confessed all of it to me. When he saw it, he knew he was finished. I left him my gun. Later I heard he took the coward's way out."
And wouldn't the press have had a field day with that one.
"I took the train to Moscow to find the daughter of the people I killed. I'm good at finding people. The assassin who'd killed Marie was still under orders to kill me. I got him into a car wreck, intending to kill him myself. But by the time I got out of my car and over to his..." He shrugged, the motion of a man resigned to accepting what had happened. "I found the Neski girl. I told her the truth, apologized, and left her apartment, still bleeding from where the assassin had shot me." He shrugged again, but this time it was more of an 'Assassins...what're you gonna do, right?' thing than acceptance.
"I kept reading the papers. I picked up The Guardian. Imagine my surprise when I saw that one of their reporters was doing an exposé on my program. On me."
siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh drama-llama
Date: 2011-01-04 06:26 am (UTC)Licking her lips, she asked, "What did she say? Who was writing about you?" She felt defensive toward Jason, tough the story was already written. Were she a bird, Claire's feathers would have ruffled up in angry protest against any ill wording toward him.
rofl
Date: 2011-01-04 06:33 am (UTC)His hand was still in hers. And he didn't mind.
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Date: 2011-01-04 07:04 am (UTC)"And the girl in Russia? What happened with her?"
Because she was looking for more detail there, how she reacted, if she forgave him.
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Date: 2011-01-04 07:09 am (UTC)"I hope what I told her helps. I hope she's happier now, knowing her mother didn't kill her father and then herself. Not like the reality is much better. They're still dead."
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Date: 2011-01-07 01:23 am (UTC)She fell against his side gently, closing her eyes. She didn't have to play games with Jason. She could relax and feel safe here, as emotional and exposing as their alone time could be.
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Date: 2011-01-07 02:21 am (UTC)What else was there to say? The rest of his story could wait. If she felt safe here, if she could be calm leaning against his side, then who was he to begrudge her that? Especially here on the Barge, where it was difficult to feel safe. Slowly, he put a gentle arm around her shoulder.
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Date: 2011-01-07 03:50 am (UTC)Because sometimes, fuck is the only word good enough.
Claire drew in a deep breath and released it just as easily. "We make some team, huh?"
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Date: 2011-01-07 04:08 am (UTC)But at least she could relate. It was in some ways a blessing - so she knew what he meant - but it was also a curse. She shouldn't have had to go through those sorts of things.
"Yeah," he said, trying to crack a smile, "some team."
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Date: 2011-01-07 04:20 am (UTC)Claire craned her head to look upward at his face, her cheek still pressed against his shoulder. She reached for the arm around her and linked her fingers into Jason's hand, not saying anything but her eyes saying just enough.
HERE, HAVE SOME RAMBLY INTERNAL MONOLOGUE
Date: 2011-01-07 06:05 am (UTC)He still wasn't over it. Not completely. He doubted he ever would be, and he kept his deal with the Admiral in mind. But he also had to come to grips with the fact that he actually really liked Claire. A lot. They were good friends at the very least.
LOVE.
Date: 2011-01-07 06:10 am (UTC)Part of her wanted to stay here, out of fatigue and out of comfort, but Claire couldn't find the words to ask. For once.
<3
Date: 2011-01-07 06:15 am (UTC)"And next time, you have to tell me more about your life, okay?" he asked as they left towards her cabin. "I feel like I'm talking too much."
For a man of as few words as Jason, he really had been talking a lot. She seemed to do that to him.