this is where it started for me.

[Even though this Paris is different - this Paris has changed - it's still Paris to him, and he hates that the Admiral's forced him to be here. He could do without the memories this place dredged up, the ones since his awakening on the fishing boat off Marseilles. Even the ones before then, the dim ones that were half-present, still hurt.

He half-considers visiting his old apartment, visiting what used to be Treadstone's Parisian base of operations, but dismisses the thought. No. He has no need to.

So he walks, keeping his eyes peeled as he inspects the city, and letting the crisp October air clear his head.

He tries not to dwell on the dog-eared paperbacks in his room, the ones that almost make sense but don't quite. He tries not to dwell on the arbitrary capriciousness of the Admiral and the loss of one of his only friends.

And he tries very hard not to dwell on why in the hell he got stuck with another goddamn kidnapping, body-snatching Animorph for an inmate.]

Fuck it.

[In German so he doesn't reveal his weakness to the ENTIRE Barge:] I know this is a long shot. But if you're out there, Marie, please let me know. Please.

[Filtered to Slade and Bourne's friends. And Claire because he's not sure she counts anymore. Handwritten rather than typed.]

I should be back in a couple of days. A week at most.

I'll respond to messages when I return.

[Basically, he's ditching for about two-three weeks in Jasontime but due to Barge Magic he'll be back probably on Saturday or Sunday. His room will still be there (not like anyone can break in).]

[Backdated to the RomCom flood, working stuff out.]

The port had really shaken him up. Bourne had barely slept since being rescued by Slade, because every time he closed his eyes, he heard her. He heard Marie.

And he did not like what he had heard.

He picked the framed photo of himself and Marie up off his desk and looked at it. She had loved him. She wasn't the type to lay blame. She'd known the risks.

But maybe that was just what he was telling himself.

And he was doing this to get her back.

Oh, great, is this the flood where we switch genders again? Because that...

[He trails off, recognizing the voice that's now his. A pause for a few moments while he finds a reflective surface.]

...Scheiße.

I...

Marie--!

[He abruptly turns the feed off. Now to spend the next half-hour just staring into a mirror, unable to believe his eyes. And crying a little. Or a lot.]

[Private to the Admiral.]
Just so we're clear, this is not what I meant when I said I wanted her back.

...

...all things considered, not my favorite flood.

[Private to self/letter to Marie.]
It happened again. I lost my memories. Everyone here did. They're all back now - at least, all the ones I've gotten back on my own. Getting my childhood again, or most things before 2002...I knew it wouldn't be that easy.

It was terrifying, Marie. I had a picture of you, and I had no idea who you were. I...

It was like being on that fishing boat again. Those two weeks when I didn't even have a proper name. They called me Jean-Paul, but I knew that wasn't right then.

I never want that to happen again, Marie. I can't forget you. I know it was out of my control this time, but...I'm finding it hard to forgive myself for these past few days even knowing that it wasn't just me.

[Private to Costigan and Claire, individually.]
Are you all right?

It looks like things are beginning to calm down. At least we have a mandatory port coming up, that might release some of the tension for everybody on this ship.

A seasonal port, and it's February. Great.

I've been doing some thinking - that time off the Barge really cleared my head. Does anyone know if it's possible for a warden to make a deal with the Admiral after the fact if they hadn't been offered anything to start? It's a long shot, but

[ooc: Jason is still new to using his journal and does not know of the existence of filters. Oh, Jason.]

( [Private to the Admiral] )