010. - Voice
Mar. 5th, 2010 09:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brokenweapon[Bourne has his regular voice back and his regular body back and how happy is he about this? So damn happy.]
Oh thank God, it's over. I hate floods.
[Private to Costigan]
I owe you an explanation. And probably a drink.
Oh thank God, it's over. I hate floods.
[Private to Costigan]
I owe you an explanation. And probably a drink.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-03-05 03:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-05 07:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-05 10:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-06 04:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-06 04:56 am (UTC)Occasionally.
Private // Written
Date: 2010-03-05 06:06 pm (UTC)Private // Written
Date: 2010-03-05 06:52 pm (UTC)Private // Written - YES. YES YOU SHOULD HAVE.
Date: 2010-03-05 07:25 pm (UTC)Private // Written - YOU SEEMED HAPPIER. AND YOU SAID LESS SWEARS.
Date: 2010-03-05 07:50 pm (UTC)It sucks finding out your life's a lie.
Private // Written - FAKE HAPPINESS ONLY MAKES HIM PINE MORE.
Date: 2010-03-05 08:04 pm (UTC)[ooc; And by later, he means he'll avoid you until the next morning's run, at which point he'll say nothing more than a 'hey' before stoically running alongside you.]
Spam - "BUSY" MY ASS, WILLIAM. >[ and that, uh, wasn't as sexual as it perhaps sounded.
Date: 2010-03-06 07:53 am (UTC)Two Advil for the road, and he walked to Costigan's cabin. Bourne knocked on the door.]
Spam - Lolz.
Date: 2010-03-06 12:28 pm (UTC)Waiting another minute, he knew that whoever it was outside the door wouldn't be leaving; besides, he knew the agent to be too damn stubborn to give up. He stood from where he was laying down on his bed, grabbing a towel from his dresser on the way to pat his face a moment. Then he was at the door, circles under his eyes emphasizing just what a miserable and exhausted state he was in without any words at all.]
"I figured." [Costigan stepped aside to give Bourne room to enter, still preferring to conduct his business in private and feeling that anything and everything with the warden was business in some way, to ensure he wasn't trusting the Sullivan clone too much.] "What do you want?"
Spam - Sleep deprivation -> HILARITY, obviously. These icons make it look like they ARE at a door!
Date: 2010-03-07 06:42 am (UTC)When the inmate opened the door, Bourne was surprised by his rather sorry state. Dark circles under his eyes, pale skin - Costigan looked like he'd been through hell and back. Obviously he hadn't gotten better since their talk last week, and the flood probably had something to do with it. It had taxed Bourne's own nerves quite enough.]
"Told you I owe you an explanation," [Bourne said, grateful that he at least didn't have to fight his way into the room - although Costigan was beginning to look as if a strong breeze might send him reeling.]
Spam - We're just that fantastic. <3
Date: 2010-03-07 10:30 am (UTC)"And I told you it doesn't fucking matter." [He replied halfheartedly as he closed the door behind the warden and clicked it locked. Then he returned to his bed, dropping lethargically to sit on the edge not far from the futon where he motioned for Bourne to sit. Costigan resisted the urge to drop his head into his hands, not wanting the warden to have excuse for more concern.]
Spam - We sure are. <3
Date: 2010-03-08 06:05 am (UTC)There was doubtless a little of the military mode in his thought about this situation, from the war he couldn't remember. It was no special thing, looking out for the guys in your squad. That was just what you did. So for half of him, this was perfectly normal. For the other half, keeping an eye on anyone besides himself or Marie was kind of weird. People could deal with their own problems. It wasn't his job to fix everything.
But he did have to apologize; and he figured this would take more than a simple, 'I'm sorry I neglected to tell you that you weren't actually a girl, my bad.' No, that would not work. Bourne sat on the edge of the futon.]
"And I'm telling you it does. I -" [He didn't want to say too much, but how else could he explain why he felt so bad about this? Costigan had seemed happier as Billie than as Billy, but it hadn't been Bourne's place to judge and he'd been a fool for thinking it was. And of course the hair incident was not to be mentioned ever again. He shut up, trying to think of a good way to put it. Things had been easier for him when he'd been quieter, honestly.
Either Costigan was ill with a very bad virus or he still hadn't gotten the pills he'd needed, but either way, he wasn't firing on all cylinders. Asking if he was all right would only irritate the inmate, so he stayed quiet, mulling over how to say what he wanted to say that was more than just a simple 'Sorry'.]
Re: Spam - We sure are. <3
Date: 2010-03-08 11:00 am (UTC)"I wouldn't have told me either." [Costigan offered, to put an end to Bourne's seeming internal debate. Although he was oblivious to the warden's reasoning, he wasn't certain how hard he would try to convince someone of a harmless and potentially irrelevant truth. He didn't realize that he was happier as a female; in fact, with the brief glimpse of Madolyn, he had since felt more empty and pained inside. But he had smiled more, certainly. Been more personable.
The inmate endeavored to scrub the fatigue from his eyes with a rough palm, inhaling a deep breath and letting out a larger yawn which he immediately tried to stifle. Then his gaze shifted to Bourne again and he offered him a light shrug. He was too tired to argue about this. Still, that ignorance was nagging at the back of his mind.] "Why didn't you?"
[ooc; Vivi told me tonight that Az would have given him the meds during the flood, but I was assuming not. So we'll say he just got them at the end of the flood, and hasn't taken them yet because he's debating whether it's better to finish detoxing or to start again.]
Spam - The answer is because Alex didn't think it through, hurrdurr.
Date: 2010-03-10 07:43 am (UTC)[Bourne found it difficult to answer the question. He felt like he'd already revealed too much about himself in their last talk; that he was prone to what looked like seizures, that he'd had a girlfriend named Marie whose death he felt responsible for, that he had such an aversion to killing children. Not that he had issues with his own identity. Not that it was difficult for him to weigh happiness against truth. If forgetting who he had ever been would bring her back, he'd do it in a heartbeat. Sometimes happiness was better.
He'd read somewhere, some time ago: Truth is neither good nor bad. It simply is. He should have told the truth. He should have said something.]
"Because in my value set - because knowing what I know, going through what I've gone through - I value happiness because of its rarity. And you seemed happier. I thought you deserved that before the flood ended." [He sighed, rubbing at his eyes, his hands sliding up over his forehead and hair before he folded them in his lap again.] "But it wasn't my choice. Between happiness as a lie or misery as yourself - not my decision to make. I'm sorry."
[There. Cards on the table. Costigan was free to hate him for it, but it was the truth.]
Spam - This is perfect setup for missing runs and the log, see?
Date: 2010-03-10 08:07 am (UTC)"You're sorry?" [His voice sounded strangely detached, trying to stifle the frustration, hurt, and sheer confusion that the words might bring him. Shaking his head for a second, his eyes then met Bourne's with a fierce intensity that held all determination the inmate could muster, which was quite the sum.] "Fuck you. You're right that you have no-- no fucking right to make that choice. Here I thought we were supposed to be fucking friends and what-- what is this? You just decide what's best for me while--" [He put two fingers to his head to mime a gun.] "--the Admiral's fucking with my mind and my memories? If you forgot about Marie or some shit, you think you wouldn't want me to tell you about it?"
[He stood, moving toward the door.] "You're fucking ridiculous. Get the fuck out of my room."
Spam - Aaand CUE THE PHIL COLLINS. "Well if you told me you were drowning, I would not lend a hand~"
Date: 2010-03-10 04:10 pm (UTC)Costigan had considered him a friend, and he'd betrayed that because - because he couldn't find the right way to tell him? What the fuck was that? He'd never been overly concerned with people not believing him before, nor with any awkwardness that might have arisen as a result.
Maybe that had been his first clue that Costigan was becoming a friend to him. And he'd dropped the ball, he'd ruined it. The first damn good thing to happen to him in a while, and he'd ruined it as sure as staying too long in Goa had killed Marie.
The mention of her was like a punch in the face to him, and perhaps a flicker of hurt, of guilt, showed itself on his face before he schooled it back into neutrality.] "Yeah. It's best if I -- yeah." [That was strange in and of itself; Bourne wasn't one to stumble in his speech. Costigan's words had obviously rattled him. He walked to the door, and out through it. A further show of contrition, however sincere, would just screw things up more.
He walked down the hall for a moment, finally half-collapsing against the wall, leaning on it with one arm, his hand covering his eyes.] "God damn it!" [The curse was punctuated with the thump of his fist against the wall, his voice half-choked with emotion. Then, just as abruptly as the moment of anger had come, it seemed to pass. He stood upright, distancing himself from the wall, and went up the stairwell and out of sight.]
Spam <3
Date: 2010-03-11 07:33 am (UTC)The former undercover watched Bourne leave, saw his temporary vulnerability in the hall, and then his retreat to the stairs. It hurt him because it was all too familiar. Watching Bourne was, in some ways, watching a reflection of himself and that was uncomfortable.]
Private // present-dated
Date: 2010-03-18 01:08 am (UTC)Private // present-dated
Date: 2010-03-18 01:24 am (UTC)He seems to have a decent amount, from what I understand; however, he'll probably treat you like you're a slave or a plaything.
Lord knows he's haughty enough with me.Seems to be his MO.Trying to get in good with the vampires?
Private // present-dated
Date: 2010-03-18 01:40 am (UTC)Private // present-dated
Date: 2010-03-18 01:45 am (UTC)I'd appreciate it if you'd let me know what happens.
Private // present-dated
Date: 2010-03-18 01:49 am (UTC)Private // present-dated - Just let him be protective Billy, he doesn't want to lose anyone again.:|
Date: 2010-03-18 02:22 am (UTC)I'd just like to be kept in the loop. Okay? If he does anything - if he goes over the line, takes too much, anything - I'm his warden for a reason.
Private // present-dated - If he really cared, he'd be arguing more. ;]
Date: 2010-03-18 10:02 am (UTC)Private // present-dated - Do not doubt his cripple-fu.
Date: 2010-03-18 02:02 pm (UTC)Private // present-dated - I doubt it strongly.
Date: 2010-03-18 09:38 pm (UTC)Don't worry. I talked to Toshiko.. I'm not going to offer myself to anyone, alright?
Private // present-dated - Then he pities you, as he does all fools.
Date: 2010-03-18 10:40 pm (UTC)All right.