brokenweapon: (Looking up // paperback_icons)
[personal profile] brokenweapon
[Bourne has his regular voice back and his regular body back and how happy is he about this? So damn happy.]

Oh thank God, it's over. I hate floods.

[Private to Costigan]

I owe you an explanation. And probably a drink.

Date: 2010-03-05 03:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] autistic-genius.livejournal.com
At least as far as floods go, that one wasn't so bad.

Date: 2010-03-05 07:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brokenweapon.livejournal.com
I have to ask: Is there any flood that's better than "not so bad"?

Date: 2010-03-06 04:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brokenweapon.livejournal.com
I've been here for two and neither of them were particularly fun...so they do get better, occasionally?

Date: 2010-03-06 04:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] autistic-genius.livejournal.com
Uhhh...yeah.

Occasionally.

Private // Written

Date: 2010-03-05 06:06 pm (UTC)
lostundercover: (i r unhappy w j00 (the departed))
From: [personal profile] lostundercover
It's fucking fine.

Private // Written

Date: 2010-03-05 06:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brokenweapon.livejournal.com
It's really not. I should have said something.
From: [identity profile] brokenweapon.livejournal.com
Seriously. I fucked up. That's the absolute worst thing I could have done in that situation. I should have known better.

It sucks finding out your life's a lie.
lostundercover: (this is my leaningface (the departed))
From: [personal profile] lostundercover
Look.. I'm busy right now, okay? We can talk later.

[ooc; And by later, he means he'll avoid you until the next morning's run, at which point he'll say nothing more than a 'hey' before stoically running alongside you.]
From: [identity profile] brokenweapon.livejournal.com
['I'm busy right now'. Yeah, right. Bourne picked up the Yankees cap, discarded when the inmate had cut his hair, hefted it in his hand for a moment, then decided against it. Better not to have too many visual reminders. At least his clothes actually fit him now.

Two Advil for the road, and he walked to Costigan's cabin. Bourne knocked on the door.]

Spam - Lolz.

Date: 2010-03-06 12:28 pm (UTC)
lostundercover: (coconuts (the departed))
From: [personal profile] lostundercover
[Costigan frowned at his door. Probably said it was one of three people, two of whom he had no interest in seeing at present and the little girl he didn't particularly want seeing him like this. After a particularly worse night of sleep, his skin was clammy and he knew himself to be pale. The tremors of his hands had passed, but the general throbbing throughout his body continued and the muscles of his abdomen pulled and tightened in ways he had thought previously unlikely.

Waiting another minute, he knew that whoever it was outside the door wouldn't be leaving; besides, he knew the agent to be too damn stubborn to give up. He stood from where he was laying down on his bed, grabbing a towel from his dresser on the way to pat his face a moment. Then he was at the door, circles under his eyes emphasizing just what a miserable and exhausted state he was in without any words at all.]

"I figured." [Costigan stepped aside to give Bourne room to enter, still preferring to conduct his business in private and feeling that anything and everything with the warden was business in some way, to ensure he wasn't trusting the Sullivan clone too much.] "What do you want?"
From: [identity profile] brokenweapon.livejournal.com
[Bourne had learned to be patient, so he didn't really mind the wait. He wondered how odd it had to seem, him as a warden minding an inmate that wasn't his own. They'd met because he had the misfortune to share a face with Costigan's worst enemy, for God's sake. Now the former Blackbriar asset was spending most of his time trying to make sure the cop was doing all right - a strange reaction to someone whose initial method of greeting was a fist upside your jaw. Still, the warden saw some commonalities once they had stopped hitting each other, and each had ended up sharing a little too much about themselves for any contact to break immediately. (At least Costigan wasn't openly confrontational. Most of the time.)

When the inmate opened the door, Bourne was surprised by his rather sorry state. Dark circles under his eyes, pale skin - Costigan looked like he'd been through hell and back. Obviously he hadn't gotten better since their talk last week, and the flood probably had something to do with it. It had taxed Bourne's own nerves quite enough.]

"Told you I owe you an explanation," [Bourne said, grateful that he at least didn't have to fight his way into the room - although Costigan was beginning to look as if a strong breeze might send him reeling.]
Edited Date: 2010-03-07 06:46 am (UTC)

Spam - We're just that fantastic. <3

Date: 2010-03-07 10:30 am (UTC)
lostundercover: (genuine intensity (the departed))
From: [personal profile] lostundercover
[Costigan recognized the judgmental look of partial concern almost immediately and his weary expression shifted to a frown. As much as he appreciated someone looking out for him, he didn't like the warden worrying after his every bad day. Even if they were numerous and had become more common than the good day with a decent night's rest. Most of their relationship was accident and obligation and he couldn't honestly answer whether he believed Bourne actually gave a damn about him personally, though he knew that he was beginning to give a damn about Bourne. The man was practically a friend, which was kind of a big deal for him.]

"And I told you it doesn't fucking matter." [He replied halfheartedly as he closed the door behind the warden and clicked it locked. Then he returned to his bed, dropping lethargically to sit on the edge not far from the futon where he motioned for Bourne to sit. Costigan resisted the urge to drop his head into his hands, not wanting the warden to have excuse for more concern.]

Spam - We sure are. <3

Date: 2010-03-08 06:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brokenweapon.livejournal.com
[It was strange, looking out for someone else again. Though Bourne felt more at ease when he was on his own - it was how he'd been trained by Hirsch and the rest, after all, an asset works solo, an asset can have connections but never friends, never anyone close, never anyone to worry about if the weapons they became could even worry at all - he'd spent so much time with Marie that keeping everyone else at a distance just seemed alien to him. She'd kept him human, and after her death he'd feared what he might have become otherwise.

There was doubtless a little of the military mode in his thought about this situation, from the war he couldn't remember. It was no special thing, looking out for the guys in your squad. That was just what you did. So for half of him, this was perfectly normal. For the other half, keeping an eye on anyone besides himself or Marie was kind of weird. People could deal with their own problems. It wasn't his job to fix everything.

But he did have to apologize; and he figured this would take more than a simple, 'I'm sorry I neglected to tell you that you weren't actually a girl, my bad.' No, that would not work. Bourne sat on the edge of the futon.]

"And I'm telling you it does. I -" [He didn't want to say too much, but how else could he explain why he felt so bad about this? Costigan had seemed happier as Billie than as Billy, but it hadn't been Bourne's place to judge and he'd been a fool for thinking it was. And of course the hair incident was not to be mentioned ever again. He shut up, trying to think of a good way to put it. Things had been easier for him when he'd been quieter, honestly.

Either Costigan was ill with a very bad virus or he still hadn't gotten the pills he'd needed, but either way, he wasn't firing on all cylinders. Asking if he was all right would only irritate the inmate, so he stayed quiet, mulling over how to say what he wanted to say that was more than just a simple 'Sorry'.]

Re: Spam - We sure are. <3

Date: 2010-03-08 11:00 am (UTC)
lostundercover: (i reject your reality (the departed))
From: [personal profile] lostundercover
[The former undercover had also learned the value of being alone and not needing to worry after others. Even Madolyn hadn't been relying on him in any way. It was easier not to trust people when you didn't expect them to trust you, though he often got closer and more attached than he cared to admit. It was his deep-seeded loyalty at play, and it came through in the way he acted with Jed now, and with Bourne. The man was something too akin to himself to ignore and he was slowly coming to terms with that fact.]

"I wouldn't have told me either." [Costigan offered, to put an end to Bourne's seeming internal debate. Although he was oblivious to the warden's reasoning, he wasn't certain how hard he would try to convince someone of a harmless and potentially irrelevant truth. He didn't realize that he was happier as a female; in fact, with the brief glimpse of Madolyn, he had since felt more empty and pained inside. But he had smiled more, certainly. Been more personable.

The inmate endeavored to scrub the fatigue from his eyes with a rough palm, inhaling a deep breath and letting out a larger yawn which he immediately tried to stifle. Then his gaze shifted to Bourne again and he offered him a light shrug. He was too tired to argue about this. Still, that ignorance was nagging at the back of his mind.] "Why didn't you?"


[ooc; Vivi told me tonight that Az would have given him the meds during the flood, but I was assuming not. So we'll say he just got them at the end of the flood, and hasn't taken them yet because he's debating whether it's better to finish detoxing or to start again.]
Edited Date: 2010-03-08 11:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brokenweapon.livejournal.com
[OOC: Makes sense to me.]

[Bourne found it difficult to answer the question. He felt like he'd already revealed too much about himself in their last talk; that he was prone to what looked like seizures, that he'd had a girlfriend named Marie whose death he felt responsible for, that he had such an aversion to killing children. Not that he had issues with his own identity. Not that it was difficult for him to weigh happiness against truth. If forgetting who he had ever been would bring her back, he'd do it in a heartbeat. Sometimes happiness was better.

He'd read somewhere, some time ago: Truth is neither good nor bad. It simply is. He should have told the truth. He should have said something.]

"Because in my value set - because knowing what I know, going through what I've gone through - I value happiness because of its rarity. And you seemed happier. I thought you deserved that before the flood ended." [He sighed, rubbing at his eyes, his hands sliding up over his forehead and hair before he folded them in his lap again.] "But it wasn't my choice. Between happiness as a lie or misery as yourself - not my decision to make. I'm sorry."

[There. Cards on the table. Costigan was free to hate him for it, but it was the truth.]
lostundercover: (blow my fuckin head off (the departed))
From: [personal profile] lostundercover
[Costigan stared at the floor as Bourne spoke, listening with an even sort of expression despite the pain that began to fester inside of him. His eyes were fixed upon a knot of wood at the base of one of the legs of his desk, as though not looking at the warden might make his words cut less deeply. 'You seemed happier.' It was enough to make the inmate sick and there was no question in his mind, in that moment, that he still needed the medications and there was no way he could get over them right now.]

"You're sorry?" [His voice sounded strangely detached, trying to stifle the frustration, hurt, and sheer confusion that the words might bring him. Shaking his head for a second, his eyes then met Bourne's with a fierce intensity that held all determination the inmate could muster, which was quite the sum.] "Fuck you. You're right that you have no-- no fucking right to make that choice. Here I thought we were supposed to be fucking friends and what-- what is this? You just decide what's best for me while--" [He put two fingers to his head to mime a gun.] "--the Admiral's fucking with my mind and my memories? If you forgot about Marie or some shit, you think you wouldn't want me to tell you about it?"

[He stood, moving toward the door.] "You're fucking ridiculous. Get the fuck out of my room."
From: [identity profile] brokenweapon.livejournal.com
[Bourne did something he didn't often do - he sat there and took it. Because Costigan was right. The former asset's fuck-ups were few and far between, but when they happened, they were always bad - Goa, we got careless, I got careless - and even though nobody was dead yet, this one wasn't anywhere near good.

Costigan had considered him a friend, and he'd betrayed that because - because he couldn't find the right way to tell him? What the fuck was that? He'd never been overly concerned with people not believing him before, nor with any awkwardness that might have arisen as a result.

Maybe that had been his first clue that Costigan was becoming a friend to him. And he'd dropped the ball, he'd ruined it. The first damn good thing to happen to him in a while, and he'd ruined it as sure as staying too long in Goa had killed Marie.

The mention of her was like a punch in the face to him, and perhaps a flicker of hurt, of guilt, showed itself on his face before he schooled it back into neutrality.] "Yeah. It's best if I -- yeah." [That was strange in and of itself; Bourne wasn't one to stumble in his speech. Costigan's words had obviously rattled him. He walked to the door, and out through it. A further show of contrition, however sincere, would just screw things up more.

He walked down the hall for a moment, finally half-collapsing against the wall, leaning on it with one arm, his hand covering his eyes.] "God damn it!" [The curse was punctuated with the thump of his fist against the wall, his voice half-choked with emotion. Then, just as abruptly as the moment of anger had come, it seemed to pass. He stood upright, distancing himself from the wall, and went up the stairwell and out of sight.]
Edited Date: 2010-03-10 04:11 pm (UTC)

Spam <3

Date: 2010-03-11 07:33 am (UTC)
lostundercover: (done with this (the departed))
From: [personal profile] lostundercover
Costigan realized just how much he had impacted the warden and was grateful for it. It meant that the next time they spoke, there would be more gravity to his words. Plus it set very clear lines as to where their friendship was and was meant to be. He had to justify every way in which his speech was good, because he didn't want to recant any part of it. Not now, at least.

The former undercover watched Bourne leave, saw his temporary vulnerability in the hall, and then his retreat to the stairs. It hurt him because it was all too familiar. Watching Bourne was, in some ways, watching a reflection of himself and that was uncomfortable.]

Private // present-dated

Date: 2010-03-18 01:08 am (UTC)
lostundercover: (:|^2 (the departed))
From: [personal profile] lostundercover
How's your inmate about controlling blood and whatever? I'd be willing to offer myself if it's relatively safe.

Private // present-dated

Date: 2010-03-18 01:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brokenweapon.livejournal.com
...you're serious?

He seems to have a decent amount, from what I understand; however, he'll probably treat you like you're a slave or a plaything. Lord knows he's haughty enough with me. Seems to be his MO.

Trying to get in good with the vampires?

Private // present-dated

Date: 2010-03-18 01:40 am (UTC)
lostundercover: (wanna catch me ridin dirty (the departed)
From: [personal profile] lostundercover
Yeah, I'm fucking serious. Maybe I'm just trying to help. Controlled feeding is better than a goddamn free-for-all. Jesus. I'll go fucking talk to him about it.

Private // present-dated

Date: 2010-03-18 01:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brokenweapon.livejournal.com
I was just asking. Not like it would be a bad thing if you did.

I'd appreciate it if you'd let me know what happens.

Private // present-dated

Date: 2010-03-18 01:49 am (UTC)
lostundercover: (Default)
From: [personal profile] lostundercover
..That's it? That's fucking all you have to say?
From: [identity profile] brokenweapon.livejournal.com
You want to do that, it's your decision. You're your own man.

I'd just like to be kept in the loop. Okay? If he does anything - if he goes over the line, takes too much, anything - I'm his warden for a reason.
lostundercover: (wanna catch me ridin dirty (the departed)
From: [personal profile] lostundercover
Yeah, a crippled warden. You're not real tough right now, Bourne. With all due respect, you couldn't do shit if something actually happened other than get angry.
From: [identity profile] brokenweapon.livejournal.com
Just fucking try me. All right? I'll beat him with crutches if I have to.
Edited Date: 2010-03-18 06:34 pm (UTC)

Private // present-dated - I doubt it strongly.

Date: 2010-03-18 09:38 pm (UTC)
lostundercover: (chill n interested (the departed))
From: [personal profile] lostundercover
You're fucking hilarious.

Don't worry. I talked to Toshiko.. I'm not going to offer myself to anyone, alright?

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Jason Bourne

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